The problem with the society of today is humungous, our social system has failed in numerous ways.
Society has this very narrow view on masculinity, one that I was a victim of.
Our society has shaped men into wild sexual beings. for instance, as a man I am expected to fancy any girl that walks by, whistle in awe on what she might be like in bed, this act is not just disgusting but also offensive. The society that you and I live in today has turned women into sexual objects. A society that our kids are/will grow up in.
One time in 2016, I was working in this law firm. There was a provision store just opposite the office and this fair, tall, beautiful woman, runs the store, just as a way of passing time. Her husband was based in the US and he provided sufficiently for them. This hot afternoon, the woman drove into the street with her golden Toyota Camry and parks in front of our office which is usually where she parked. As she got out of the car and was about locking her car, two guys were driving by in a silver Camry.
‘nwanyi ocha, you go dey very sweet o!’ they sort of slowed down their car while saying this, the woman, looked at them and rolled her eyes. The next thing I heard was
‘ashawo, look at you, will you carry this your rotten pussy and get out of the way’
these men didn’t care to check if there was a ring on her finger, all they knew was that; they wanted her and they couldn’t have her so they resorted to cussing her.
the woman was, of course, used to this, but you see, I wasn’t. Till today I can’t seem to get that incident out of my head. Dear society, this is wrong.
Whenever a man cheats the society blames the woman. You should have done more to protect your marriage. They would say. You should have given up your job, stayed home and looked after your husband, maybe then he wouldn’t have cheated. Society has no problem with the husband cheating on his wife, in fact, it is normal. Wait till the wife cheats, then you’ll see all hell practically break loose. Dear society, this is wrong.
We don’t even realise how much damage this is causing our kids, how they are being forced to shed their original skin and take on the skin of the society. Every kid wants to be accepted, they want to be seen. So if locking their true nature up Is what it is going to cost them, why not? What these young ones fail to realize is that; locking themselves up will derail them from becoming who they are truly meant to be, it might be impossible to attain their full potential. Taking on a defined personality will not only affect your mental health in ways unknown to you, but it will also affect your entire life.
I have this friend who is very promiscuous, he admires every girl that walks around him—not in a beautiful way but rather in a sexual way—countless times I have heard him say
‘guy to fuck this one go sweet o’
it irritates every fibre of my being, hearing him say this. The most annoying thing is, it is normal for him to say this, as a man or guy rather, it is okay. The usual response you’ll get is
‘na man wey im be na.’
So as a man that you are, it is okay to see every woman as a sexual tool?
Whenever I caution this my friend (which I do very often) he will give me this puzzled look. It doesn’t make sense to him why I am not like him, am i blind? Am i not seeing what he is seeing?
In the edges of his eyes, I can see his inner thoughts, how he thinks I’m less of a man because I am not like him. What he has failed to realize is that he is living inside a box, a very tiny box.
Truth is, he is comfortable in this tiny box of masculinity and is ready to live there forever. In our world today there are very narrow definitions of what it means to be a man. It is as if there is a model built already that all of us are expected to imitate. For instance, we are not expected to cry, to be sad and the funniest of them all, to be depressed. We are expected to be strong, hard, fearless, sexual, and a whole lot of other things. Dear society, this is wrong.
The truth is that a large percentage of men in our society today reason like this my friend. Another interesting thing is how they quickly turn to cuss girls who would not agree to sleep or mingle with them. You hear them using nasty words like olosho(prostitute) gold digger etc. These men get applauded by their fellow-men when they do absurd things like this. They fail to also take into consideration the effects these name callings will have on the women.
I cannot begin to imagine what it must feel like to be a woman, to be someone who has been relegated to nothing but a sexual object. Something only valid for pleasure. I cannot begin to imagine how horrible it must feel having a total stranger call me ugly, stinky and stupid.
If and when I shall become a father, I shall not want to have my kids grow up in a society like this. We must start today to fix our broken society. Not only for our sake and the sake of our mental health but for the sake of our kids. I wouldn’t feel happy seeing my daughter reduced to just a sexual object, no I will feel infuriated because I know my daughter is worth so much more. We must begin to fix this, we must begin to fix ourselves. As men, we must realize that women are more, much more than an object for our sexual desires.
“The last time I tried to be happy, I died. Now, I wear my sadness like a crown, and like a cape, even like a lipstick.”