I move aimlessly, going through corners and walking long routes. All this time, my mind doesn’t seem to function. So many thoughts running through it I don’t even know where to begin. I don’t think I can even begin.
What am I to do? I can’t go to the police and expect anything less than getting lost. I can’t go to anyone and tell them. They won’t believe me. Dare didn’t believe. If I had a chance, it’d’ve been with him. Or was the change yesterday so bad that he doesn’t trust me anyone?
I come back to my senses and realize I had walked to one of the small gardens around. The benches lying around seem like good enough places to be so I walk towards one and sit down. I start to sound like a broken record to myself when I still draw blanks from yesterday. It’s getting tiring and frustrating. If I can’t remember how the day ended, I can’t be sure if I killed her or not.
If it turns out I really did kill her, I turn myself in. I’m not sure I can live with the guilt and be on the run at the same time.
If I didn’t kill her, then I work towards clearing my name.
But cripes… it’s not going to be that easy. I don’t even know where to begin. I start to feel fatigue and doubt, and the idea of just turning myself in sounds better by the minute. I’m deceiving myself if I think I can actually do something about this.
What do I think I’m even going to do sef? With what power? Chances are the body has already been found inside the house. If it’s not that, then Dare has probably already reached the police. They’d want to go check out the hotel for confirmation, and from there my status as a fugitive will be assured.
So what is the point of now running away?
I sigh, a dark veil coming over my mind. I gaze around, not really looking at anything. Until something registers in my mind’s eye and I turn back for a look. I see someone looking at me. Never seen her before, but she’s smiling. And it’s like the receptionist at the hotel.
The smile creeps me out, and I jump off the bench and get out of there.
Then a thought hits me. It’s risky, but I have nothing else going for me.
I need to go home.
Reasons to go home: Comfort zone; no exposure from the outside; has my stuff. Reasons not to go: they could be watching it. I don’t have Reason B, so looks like going home wins.
I tread my way through corners, time ticking by. I finally stop a bike and use it to fly all the way back to my side. But I don’t stop directly in front. I stop several streets away. If my place is being watched, then better safe than sorry. I don’t really know what I’m looking for, but with the paranoia sifting through my head anything that is out of place is fine enough for me.
I keep moving until I see my street, then stop a little far off from the entrance. Chances are people have been told to look out for me, in which case I’d best not go through the street at all. I’ve got a roundabout way of getting into my house, and even though it will have me going a longer route it’ll help me come in through the back.
Much better than showing up at the front.
I zigzag around a bit, paranoia making me think just about anyone walking the same road as I is following me. Eventually I make it to the back fence of my house and check the small gate I had installed a while back. It’s locked. I take that to mean no one used it. Meaning no one should be in the house.
I check myself and find my keys in the little pocket of my trousers. I always keep them there because there’s no chance of them falling out of there. I unlock the gate silently and step into the compound.
That’s step one. Step two is getting into the house. Which isn’t a problem because there’s actually no one home, which makes sense. I get to the backdoor and open that too.
Quickly I head for my room and grab a duffel bag to throw things in. I’m not so sure where I’m going to but I know I can’t be around. And I can’t hide inside here. The sanctuary is nice, but it won’t be permanent.
I pack up and get on my way out of the house, but before I reach the backdoor I’m stopped by a shocking sight in the living room.
Dare is waiting for me.
I’m looking at Dare. Dare is looking at me. I should be moving, running, whatever, but I’m frozen. It’s a stupid thing, and that part of my mind is telling me that I’m being stupid for not moving. Another part wonders how Dare got in, but the first part says it doesn’t matter. By rough estimates I may have taken 10 minutes to pack up. Within that time, he could have had people waiting for me. Would he have people waiting for me? I shouldn’t stick around to find out.
I should move.
So why aren’t my stupid legs moving?
“Man… just… calm down okay?” Dare says with his palms facing me. He looks down and I follow his gaze. I’m still clutching my duffel bag.
“Where are you going to…?
Anywhere but here, obviously. But I’m still frozen. I need to snap out of this daze. Work, you stupid legs. Your master is becoming a fugitive, and you decide to relax? I shake my head hard, and continue moving towards the door. Dare steps in my way, and I try to move around him but then he whips something out and points it at me.
A freaking gun.
When did he have a gun? What the fuck??
“Dude… I can’t let you leave.”
“Why don’t you shoot me then? Either that, or I’m going to take that gun and shoot you instead.” My voice is so calm I think a spirit possessed me to say that. Did I actually mean that?
“You don’t… you don’t mind that guy… do you?”
I look at him. Something on my face makes him step back a bit. “Let us not find out, then. Allow me, make I pass.” I make to step aside but Dare matches my stride. I’m about try again when something… happens.
Dare is smiling. But… it’s… it’s… It’s like the girl in the park. The girl at the hotel. It makes my skin crawl. I’m severely creeped out and I can feel my heart try to rip itself out of my chest. I can’t see so quickly and I know for sure I start to panic. I get into a scuffle with Dare, the smile somehow not leaving his face.
I have to get out of here. I need to—
Something pops. It takes me a second to realize.
The gun was shot.
Did you hear the one about the couch potato? Me neither. I was too lazy to listen.