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Letters to The Men I Thought I Loved | Racheal Torty

This is the story of the men I thought I loved
Men so wonderful and lovely, Adonis would weep
Tis a tale of love mixed with pain
The men I thought I loved are special
Worthy of love so pure, elves would be jealous
If I could, I would love them as they should be
Truly and with all my heart, as a man should be loved.
Yet I did not, for two reasons…

First, loving is for the brave, the coward in me knew that
That love would mean vulnerability
Something my closed self-hated so much
Their love meant light to the skeletons I hide
The skeletons better left undisturbed in the dark

Second, I recognize it for what it was, what it is
A passing obsession, excitement at their attentions
It began to wane after that honeymoon phase
I no longer needed their attentions to keep my insecurities at bay

But I really thought I could love them
The heart racing moments
Intoxicated feelings after talking to them
I thought they meant love
The moments they mentioned love
My heart would race a sprint
I knew they loved me
I heard and felt it in their voices

And I slowly understood what love meant
Their pain and hurts still haunt me
Heartbroken for a love unrequited
Love they gave so freely, without question
Love I didn’t understand or value

This is for the men I thought I loved
The ones who have forgiven me and found beautiful loves
The men who deserve all of who Love is
This is for me, the woman
The vulnerable monster in the story
When judgement skits your mind
Remember, that I’m human too
Full of flaws and scars, yet still
Growing daily…

Photo by Matteo Kutufa on Unsplash

About the author:

Racheal Torty is a Christian, pharmacist, graphics designer and blogger. She enjoys reading Christian fiction and is also quite passionate about football, basketball and athletics.

Find her on:
Twitter: @rachealtorty
Facebook: Racheal Torty
Instagram: @rachealtorty


Published inPoetry&Musings

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